Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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