i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
