i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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