btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
