You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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