I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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