So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
