You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
