dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
