I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
