We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
