So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
