I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
