You just made me feel so damn special
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
