I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
