3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize