her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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