Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize