he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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