We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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