i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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