He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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