the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
