4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
