Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
