i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize