Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT