I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
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I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.