this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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