It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
