can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
