My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
