GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
