She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
