I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
