If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
