I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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