1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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