Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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