It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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