My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
