Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
