good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
barbara walters just said penis...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
