College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
