Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
