So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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