so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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