I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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