It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
