it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
