Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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