its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
