The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
