college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
