so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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