so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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