I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
