I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
