her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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