so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
