Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
