if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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