Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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